Recently I was having a discussion with a loved one about God. Much of the discussion was me answering questions about the logistics of the writing and assembling of the Bible. It was at this time that I came back to a truth that many an evangelist struggles with: the understanding that those who have (seemingly) intellectual problems with Christianity do not hand their lives (assuming they ever do) over to Christ for intellectual reasons.
Conversion is not the work of a Christian Apologist, it is the work of the Holy Spirit.
Intellectual (or emotional) struggles, like those of my loved one, very often are a result of cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is the term used to describe the discomfort one experiences when he or she holds two conflicting (or seemingly conflicting) beliefs simultaneously. Often such dissonance is a result of a resistance to succumbing to a God-centered faith and being.
I have always been a Romantic, full of passion. Yet, at the same time I have always been a very systematic and logical thinker. I dreamed big, but always seemed to be immersed in rejection, struggles, and suffering. The 'two hemispheres' of my mind (as C.S. Lewis called it) were often in conflict. I was so consumed with thoughts of how I caused or affected the things around me that I could not see that the passions I felt actually complemented the rational nature of my mind.
My hubris was in the way of my dreams and heart.
Our hopes and desires can cause us to be blinded to answers or resolutions that present themselves. Wants do not involve merely an outcome, but usually a means to the outcome as well. So, in desiring, we do not simply look for the object of our desire, but are expecting to come to it in a specific way. When our thoughts are directed to something specific we develop a tunneled vision in which it is difficult to see or believe anything that does not fit perfectly into our perceptions. The answers may come, but because we are asking the wrong questions, they go unrecognized or are rejected.
Lewis said that "each of us by nature sees the whole world from one point of view with a perspective and a selectiveness peculiar to himself. And even when we build disinterested fantasies they are saturated with, and limited by, our own psychology."
Often we experience dissonance because we think that if we believe one part (or the whole) of a thing, we must accept all of its parts. This is simply false. To enjoy fantasy does not mean we must believe we can find truth in it. To experience rejection does not mean that I must believe that all that contributes to it is a reflection of my worth. To believe in the positive contribution of science and philosophy does not mean that we have to believe everything that scientists and philosophers tell us.
To hold to reason does not mean that we must trust solely in Reason or rational thought processes as a means to understanding.
Cognitive dissonance is simply one of the many fruitions of self-centeredness: the thing that best keeps us from complete submission to God. It is true that we were created with a self-reflective nature. But, another important truth is that we were created: we are not the beginning and end of thought. Therefore, we cannot expect to find all of the answers that we seek and solve all of the problems that we face strictly by searching within our own minds.
Cognitive dissonance is encouraged by constantly focusing inward and neglecting to look upward. The world does not make sense if man is at the center. We must reconcile our position in God's plan before we can reconcile the apparent contradictions in our beliefs.
The way that we do this is by being open to the Holy Spirit and asking Him to work in us.
The question is, do you want the Way, the Truth, and the Life or do you simply want to find a way to live your life?
