Those of low estate are but a breath;
those of high estate are a delusion;
in the balances they go up;
they are together lighter than a breath.
~Psalm 62:9, ESV~
Breaking up is hard to do. It is difficult to cope with suddenly having an empty space in your life that used to be filled with someone you loved. Whether it be due to unrequited love, difference in beliefs, betrayal, distance, or other life changes, a relationship’s end is not something that you immediately move past.
One thing I have found helps me work through the emotions that come with relational change, is writing songs. There is something freeing about putting my feelings to words and then words to paper; the process of my turmoil becoming rhythmic relieves my burdens and steadies the beating of my heart.
Not too long ago, I sat mourning the loss of a love, experiencing the hurt of feeling expendable. I wrote lyrics that expressed my thoughts toward a love that didn’t care about me as much as I cared about him. Later, I read what I wrote and I thought: Have I ever made someone feel this way; have songs like this been written about me?
An even more humbling thought: how often do I make God feel this way? I can’t possibly love Him as much as He loves me.
I would posit that David often had similar thoughts. We see in his psalms that he had many relational struggles with men, women, and God. This giant-slaying musician king was no stranger to anguish.
One thing I appreciate about the Bible is that it does not allow us to lift too high its “heroes”. We aren’t just told about the good in the men and women God called, but we are informed of the bad and ugly as well.
There is a reason why Scripture includes the messy bits. Being human is a messy disposition. Even David, the man after God’s own heart, did things that wrecked the lives of others (adultery, murder). Reading about the mistakes of God’s chosen heroes, and experiencing those we make ourselves, is meant to humble us. No one, especially self, is to be lifted above the LORD.
It is easy to fall into the traps of sorrow that lead to self-centeredness. It is important that we not only process our pain, but know when to step outside of it to recognize the impact that we have on the lives of others. Just as we are capable of sharing an immense amount of love, we are capable of causing an extreme amount of harm. When we focus too often on self, we don’t see how we hurt those around us, and how we ignore God.
Our emotions are legitimate and should not be brushed aside. However, none of us should assume we are the only ones that get left battered by relational disturbances. Every soul hurts. When we are lacerated by grief, we must face it with God so that we can mend and grow instead of increasing its negative impact and passing it on to others.
So, write a song or sing a song to get through your tears, but do so with the awareness that there are others out there doing the same. That song you’re singing may just be about you.
